76. The Surprise Power of Pretending: How to Use "Fake It Until You Make It" for Real Transformation
- Brittany Miller
- Nov 5, 2024
- 17 min read
Updated: Sep 17
I was driving the kids to school on Halloween and an idea slammed into me like sunshine through a windshield: we are all pretending. That line might sound harsh or disingenuous at first, but I came to realize that pretending can be a deliberate and powerful tool.
We often think of pretending as something children do—especially around Halloween when they dress up as superheroes, princesses, or mythical creatures. But what if I told you that pretending isn’t just for kids?
In my life and business, I’ve used the mental strategy commonly called manifesting or "fake it until you make it" to build habits, confidence, and a new identity. It’s not about deception; it’s about practice, repetition, and giving yourself permission to act like the person you want to become before every piece of your brain accepts it as true.
In this episode I’ll walk you through why pretending works, share my own experience using "fake it until you make it" to become a morning person, a healthier person, and a speaker, explain the psychology and habit science that make it effective, and give a practical roadmap you can use today. I’ll also tackle the ethical line between authentic growth and being inauthentic, and provide a FAQ at the end so you can get quick answers to the most common questions I get when I say, "fake it until you make it." If you’ve ever felt like imposter syndrome is holding you back, this is for you.
If we haven't met yet, I’m Brittany, an online marketing strategist for female entrepreneurs. I teach women how to make their entrepreneurial dreams a reality through smart, actionable marketing strategies that get them seen, loved, and paid. Whether you’re eager to DIY your way to success or hire professionals to help you along the way–my goal is to make sure you walk away with the clarity you need to see the results you desire and build a life you love.
Table of Contents
Why pretending gets a bad rap — and why we should rethink it
When people hear the phrase "fake it until you make it," some recoil. They imagine phoniness, inauthenticity, or even dishonesty. I get it — society values authenticity, and rightly so. But authenticity is not born overnight. Sometimes, authenticity is the result of deliberate practice, and pretending is the rehearsal that gets you there.
Think of a child on Halloween. We applaud their creativity and their courage to be an astronaut, a princess, a superhero. For one night, pretending is celebrated. Why, then, do we make it taboo to pretend as adults when the stakes are learning and personal growth? I don’t think we should. Instead, let's reframe pretending as a tool for transformation, not as a mask to hide behind.
When I choose to adopt the "fake it until you make it" mindset, I’m not trying to deceive anyone. I’m choosing the behaviours, language, and routines of the person I want to become so that my brain, my body, and my environment can adapt. It’s a bridge — and bridges require you to step onto them before you reach the other side.
My story: How I used "fake it until you make it" to become a morning person
For most of my adult life I told myself, "I’m not a morning person." That belief justified snoozes, missed workouts, and rushed mornings. But I wanted change: more time for work, better mental clarity, and a consistent daily routine. So I started pretending to be a morning person.
I set an alarm for 5 a.m. and I got up. Even when I felt tired or insecure about whether this routine would stick, I acted like someone who prioritized mornings. I created a ritual: water, stretching, a short workout, and thirty minutes of focused work. At first I forced the behaviour. Over weeks, the behaviour made me feel different. My energy shifted, my clothes fit better because I exercised more consistently with my fitness, and I started to look forward to that quiet morning time.
This is the essence of "fake it until you make it": act in alignment with the identity you want so your actions change your self-perception. After months, my belief changed from "I’m not a morning person" to "I am someone who shows up for my mornings." Whether I call that faking or practicing is semantics — the result is the same.
Now, when I don't get up early (or when the kids wake up during my quiet, focus work time) I get frustrated because it's impacting my new developed identity of a "morning person". This isn't the first or only time I've 'faked it until I made it" to change patterns, habits and identities for myself.
My fitness journey: pretending to be athletic until I owned it
I used to carry "I’m not athletic" like a badge of honor. An identity I picked up in grade school from a dislike (and lack of ability) to excel at gym class. It was part of my identity and part of my excuse list. But as I grew up and become a mom, I wanted a different body, different stamina, the kinds of clothes that fit better, and to set good examples for my kids.
So I started wearing workout clothes. I took stretching seriously. I tried weight lifting for the first time, then cardio programs. I didn’t start as someone who loved the gym (in fact, I still don't like the gym) — but I started and by pretending to be someone who consistently chose activity and movement of some kind, everyday, eventually I become "athletic".
At the outset, the "fake it until you make it" step looked like small choices: an extra 10-minute walk, choosing a protein-rich breakfast, or simply showing up to a online workout class. Tiny wins compounded. The discomfort faded, and the role I had been pretending to play became my reality. I didn’t become a professional athlete — and that wasn’t the goal — but I did become someone who values fitness and shows up for it. That shift was real and sustainable because I started by pretending.
Public speaking: how I became a speaker by pretending to be one
Public speaking frightened me. It was my least favourite activity at school and the part I tried to aviod in all group projects. As an adult, I didn’t imagine myself up on stage confidently pitching products and services. Yet I wanted to speak because it’s a powerful way to share my story, grow my business and connect with people who need to hear that running a business as a mom is possible. So I started acting like a speaker.
I volunteered to present at small events, practiced online by hosting live trainings, and rehearsed my introductions. I took on the persona of someone who shows up prepared and composed. It was uncomfortable, but each time I stepped into that role, I collected evidence that I could do it. Over time, the habit of preparation and the repeated exposure to public speaking transformed me.
Now I am a speaker. I still get nervous sometimes — that’s human — but I have the tools and the practice to manage it.
The science behind "fake it until you make it"
There’s more to pretending than motivational platitudes. Several psychological principles and habit-formation theories explain why acting "as if" works.
Self-perception theory: This suggests that we infer our attitudes and identity from our behaviours. If I behave like a morning person long enough, I begin to see myself that way.
Behavioural repetition: Actions repeated over time become automatic through neural pathways strengthening. Pretending provides the repetition needed to form new habits.
Small wins and positive reinforcement: When you act the part and see small results, your brain rewards you. These rewards build motivation for future behaviours.
Identity-based habits: James Clear and other habit experts emphasize shaping identity to sustain change. Rather than focusing on outcomes (lose 30 pounds), you embody the identity (I am someone who prioritizes health).
Combining these elements explains why "fake it until you make it" is more than a slogan: it’s an evidence-based approach to change. When I adopted the actions of the person I wanted to be, my identity gradually adjusted to match those actions.
How to pretend effectively: a practical step-by-step plan
Pretending without structure can feel forced and unsustainable. Here’s a clear plan I’ve used and recommended to clients to turn "fake it until you make it" into a reliable method for transformation.
Get specific about the person you want to be.
Describe them in detail: their daily habits, their attitude toward work, how they handle stress, how they speak. I don’t mean vague goals. Be specific. For example, "I am someone who wakes up at 5 a.m., stretches, writes for 20 minutes, and exercises three times a week."
Identify three small behaviours to practice now.
Pick actions that align with the identity. If you want to be a confident speaker, your actions could be practicing introductions, recording a 5-minute talk, and joining a local toastmasters meeting.
Use environment design to make the pretend easy.
Change cues in your environment so the "pretend" behaviour becomes the path of least resistance. Lay out workout clothes the night before. Put your phone in another room during morning rituals, change your driving routine to avoid your to-go coffee shop, etc.
Track micro-progress and celebrate small wins.
Keep a simple log or calendar, like a bullet journal or habit tracker. When you complete a behaviour, check it off. These small wins provide the dopamine hits you need to keep going.
Invite social accountability.
Tell a friend, join a group, or hire a coach (like me if you have a business habit you want to implement). Accountability magnifies consistency and reduces the chance that you’ll abandon the pretend phase prematurely.
Adjust and iterate.
Not every behaviour will stick. If something feels unsustainable, tweak it. Pretending is an experiment in identity, and experiments need iterations.
Measure identity change, not just outcomes.
After a month or three months, check in on how you think about yourself. If your inner narrative has shifted, your pretending worked! If not, see what lingering habits need to shift still to fully step into your new identity.
Practical examples and micro-action plans
To help you put this into practice, here are micro-action plans for common transformations people want. Each plan embraces "fake it until you make it" with realistic, bite-sized steps.
Become a morning person — 30-day micro plan
Week 1: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than you usually wake up. Lay out clothes the night before. Get out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. Write "I am someone who wakes up at X" and read it each morning.
Week 2: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than last week. Add a 10-minute movement routine and a 10-minute focused task (journaling, planning, or writing). Track completion daily in a bullet journal or habit tracker.
Week 3: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than last week (unless you're at your preferred wake up time already). Increase movement to 20–30 minutes and create a ritual playlist. Invite one friend to morning check-ins for accountability.
Week 4: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than last week (unless you're at your preferred wake up time already). Reflect on morning energy and tweak bedtime if needed to accommodate extra sleep for your early mornings. Celebrate the new identity!
Become someone who exercises consistently — 12-week micro plan
Weeks 1–2: Commit to 3 short sessions (10–25 minutes a session) per week. Use a calendar to mark sessions completed.
Weeks 3–6: Increase one session per week. Try a new form of movement like weights, dance, cycling.
Weeks 7–10: Add nutrition check-ins and aim to swap one snack each day for a whole-food alternative.
Weeks 11–12: Choose a non-scale victory to celebrate (run a 5K, lift a heavier weight, attend a fitness class, skip the junk food aisle at the grocery store, etc.).
Become a confident speaker — 90-day micro plan
Month 1: Record short videos of yourself speaking for 2–5 minutes three times a week. Review footage and note one improvement each time.
Month 2: Practice in front of small groups (friends, colleagues). Volunteer for short intros or presentations if you're in a work environment that has this as an option.
Month 3: Apply to speak at a small event, apply to be a guest on a podcast, or workshop. Use feedback to refine your talk and claim the identity "I am a speaker."
Managing imposter syndrome while you pretend
Imposter syndrome is the shadow that often follows pretending. You act as if you belong, then your inner critic shouts that you don’t. That’s normal. Pretending doesn’t erase the voice; it gives you more data to challenge it.
Every time I acted like I belonged in a role I didn’t yet own, I collected evidence that I could do it. Each small success chipped away at imposter feelings. When the inner critic returned, I used hard proof — a completed presentation, a workout streak, a 5 a.m. habit — to counter it. Over time, the evidence accumulated and the imposter voice lost volume.
Here are simple tools I used to manage that voice:
Document the wins: keep a "proof file" with positive feedback and results.
Talk to someone who sees you clearly and can remind you of your progress.
Normalize the discomfort: tell yourself that growth feels uncomfortable and that this is a sign you are moving forward.
Reframe mistakes as experiments rather than personal failures.
Ethics and boundaries: when "fake it until you make it" is harmful
It’s important to be clear about what pretending should and should not be. There’s a line between role-playing to grow and actively deceiving others for personal gain.
Pretending is appropriate when it helps you adopt healthy habits, build competence, and test identity shifts. It becomes problematic when you pretend to have qualifications, credentials, or expertise you don’t actually possess and use that false claim to harm others or profit unethically.
For me, "fake it until you make it" always came with a caveat: be honest about my level of experience while practicing and learning. If I was new to public speaking, I didn’t tell a room I was an industry veteran. I said I was excited to share and eager to learn. That balance — confidence paired with humility — is how you grow ethically.
Why culture makes adults fear pretending — and how to flip that script
At least once a year celebrate kids for pretending. We dress them up, hand out candy, and applaud their imaginative play. But adults are judged for the same behaviour. I think this is a missed opportunity. If we can encourage the same openness and permission for adults to experiment with identity, we would see more career pivots, healthier lifestyles, and braver leadership. People would be happier overall and likely less burnt out from staying in careers that drain their energy because they are afraid to make a change.
Imagine a culture where trying on a new identity is encouraged the way we encourage kids to be astronauts for a day. What if the default assumption was growth and experimentation rather than fixed identity? That’s the world I want to operate in. I try to model it with my clients and my kids: attempt, fail, iterate, celebrate, repeat.
How to create a "pretend practice" that actually sticks
I’ve learned that pretending becomes sustainable when it’s organized like a practice. Here’s how I structure pretend practice sessions:
Set an intention: Decide what identity you’re rehearsing and why. Attach it to values that matter to you.
Choose a time block: Short, consistent practice beats occasional marathon efforts. I use 20–60 minute blocks depending on the skill or habit I'm trying to create.
Focus on one behaviour at a time: Trying to change everything at once leads to overwhelm and quitting. Pick one habit and master it before adding another.
Build feedback loops: Record yourself, ask for critique and accountability from friends and colleagues, or use a habit tracker that gives immediate rewards and domaine hits when you mark your success.
Make it repeatable: Rituals help carry the identity over days and weeks. Tie the practice to an existing habit (this is called habit stacking) and do it often.
Accountability systems that amplify pretending
I don’t do big changes alone. I ask for help. The accountability systems I use include:
Buddy systems: A friend or colleague who checks in weekly.
Public commitment: Sharing a goal on social media or with your team increases the cost of quitting.
Professional help: A coach, therapist, or trainer who provides structure and expertise.
Automations and reminders: Calendar blocks, alarms, and habit-tracking apps keep you honest.
These systems turned my pretending into progress. Instead of pure willpower, I had structure and a system to help me achieve my new goal identity.
Common pitfalls and how to avoid them
Even a powerful strategy like "fake it until you make it" can go wrong if misused. Here are common mistakes I see — and how I recommend correcting them.
Overreach: Trying to become everything overnight leads to burnout. Solution: scale down and prioritize one habit.
Dishonesty: Bluffing credentials is unethical. Solution: Be transparent about your learning journey while stepping into the role.
No feedback loop: Without feedback, you can’t improve. Solution: add recordings, mentors, or trackable metrics to measure outcomes.
All talk, no practice: Declaring identity without daily action keeps you stuck. Solution: commit to consistent micro-actions.
Lack of identity integration: If your environment contradicts your pretend identity (e.g., staying in a toxic job while claiming you’re fulfilled), change the environment too.
How to know when you've "made it"
People often ask me: "How will I know when I'm no longer faking it?" I respond that "making it" is less about a final destination and more about a shift in your inner narrative. Indicators you’ve made it include:
You think of yourself as the person you were pretending to be.
Your behaviours are consistent with that identity without heavy effort.
You have a track record of outcomes that align with your new identity.
Your inner critic still visits, but it’s quieter and easier to manage.
When that shift happens, your pretending has become integrated into who you are — and that’s the goal.
How I balance authenticity with the "fake it until you make it" approach
Some days I still wrestle with the language of "fake it." I prefer to think of it as "practice the identity" or "act as if." But in public conversation the phrase is common and useful. I balance it with honesty: I own my learning journey publicly and offer value based on what I can do now, not on imagined credentials. That way, I use pretending responsibly and with integrity.
Being authentic doesn’t mean being static. We evolve. I embrace the tension between where I am and where I’m going, and I use pretending as the rehearsal space for growth. For me this is a repeatable system that works to help me bring my dream life and business to reality.
Action steps you can take today
If you’re ready to try this, here are immediate steps you can take right now. These are designed to get you moving without grand promises or overwhelm.
Write the identity statement: Write one sentence describing the person you want to be (e.g., "I am someone who wakes up energized, moves daily, and plans my day with intention").
Pick one small behaviour: Choose a 10–20 minute action you can practice daily for the next two weeks.
Set a visible reminder: Put a sticky note, calendar block, or alarm labeled with your identity statement.
Tell one person: Share your plan with someone who will hold you accountable.
Reflect weekly: At the end of each week, write three wins and one improvement.
How to recover when you slip
Slips will happen. Missing a morning, skipping a workout, or forgetting to practice is part of the process. The important part is recovery. When I slip, I try to:
Pause and forgive myself.
Identify the trigger that led to the slip (lack of sleep, scheduling conflict).
Adjust the plan to make the behaviour more accessible.
Return to the practice the next day with fresh intention.
Slip-ups are data, not indications of failure. Each one teaches you how to design a more resilient practice. The most important thing is to continue again the next day. Don't wait for next Monday, or next month, or next year (a trap I used to fall into), just keep going and try again.
Measuring progress beyond the scale or outcomes
Outcomes matter, but identity shifts are often the better measure of sustainable change. Ask yourself:
How do I talk about myself now?
What habits feel automatic?
Do I default to the behaviours of the new identity in moments of stress?
When your internal narrative changes, that’s a profound indicator that "fake it until you make it" worked for you.
Encouragement to get started
If imposter syndrome has kept you on the sidelines, give yourself permission to step forward as an experiment. Pretending isn’t a sin; it’s rehearsal. Try the small steps in this post and notice the cumulative power of repeated action. Celebrate incremental wins. Invite accountability. And whenever your inner critic speaks, answer with evidence of what you’ve actually done.
I used to tell myself I wasn’t athletic, not a morning person, not a speaker. Today, by practicing and pretending, I’ve become someone who values fitness, prioritizes mornings, and speaks publicly. I’m not finished growing — and that’s the point. Pretending started the engine, and consistent action built the car.
FAQ About Faking it Until You Make It
Q: Is "fake it until you make it" the same as lying?
No. "Fake it until you make it" as I use it means rehearsing behaviours and rituals that align with a growth identity. It is not about falsifying credentials or misleading others. Always be honest about qualifications while you practice and learn. It's a mindset and manifestation tool for individuals and small business owners.
Q: How long should I "fake it" before I expect results?
There’s no fixed timeline. For small habits, you might notice change in weeks. For deeper identity shifts, expect months. The key is consistency and tracking micro-progress so you have evidence of change.
Q: What if pretending feels inauthentic to me?
Try reframing "pretend" to "practice" or "act as if." Think of it as training. If the language still bothers you, focus on tangible behaviours rather than identity labels: do the work first, let the identity follow.
Q: Can pretending backfire?
Yes, if used unethically or without structure. Don’t claim expertise you don’t have. Avoid overreaching too quickly. Use feedback loops and be willing to iterate your approach.
Q: How can I use this strategy in my business?
Start by defining the business identity you want (e.g., "I run organized marketing campaigns" and adopt three behaviours that match: schedule weekly content planning, set up templates, and track metrics. Use public accountability and iterate monthly).
Q: Will everyone accept my new identity?
Not immediately. People respond to consistent behaviour over time. If you act like the person you want to be and produce outcomes, others will adjust their perception. Be patient.
Q: How do I maintain ethics while adopting this strategy?
Be transparent about your experience level. Don’t misrepresent certifications. Use the pretend phase to learn and gain competence, not to manipulate or exploit.
Q: I failed before. How is this different?
Failures can teach valuable information about design, scale, and support. Use the steps in this article — specificity, small behaviours, environment design, accountability — to create a structure that reduces the odds of repeating past mistakes.
Final thoughts
Pretending — or as I prefer to call it, purposeful practice of identity — is one of the most underrated ways to change your life. When I say "fake it until you make it," I mean act in alignment with the person you want to become, collect evidence, iterate, and let the new identity emerge naturally. This approach helped me become a morning person, cultivate fitness habits, and develop the courage to speak publicly. It can help you too.
Give yourself permission to try on a new identity. Design the practice. Track the wins. Ask for help. And remember: this isn’t about being fake. It’s about being brave enough to step into a future you haven’t fully become yet.
Thank you for spending time with me here. If this resonated, I hope you’ll try one small "pretend" behaviour today and report back on what changes. I love hearing stories of practical growth — they remind me why I keep experimenting myself.
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Hit follow and please leave a review if you enjoyed this episode! The kids and I might even bust out a happy dance! 💗 - Brittany
00:00 Intro
1:30 Pretending to be something youre not
3:00 Working to become who youre pretending to be
4:30 Pretending on halloween
9:00 Wrap up
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