Ever wonder what your partner is really thinking—but in a fun, heart-centered, connection-building way?

When I first found a list of "couples questions" on Pinterest titled something like "questions to ask your husband — modern Christian woman" I laughed, I'm not religious but it seemed like a fun date night activity.

So I decided to drag Grayson, into a podcast recording and we answered all ten of the couples questions on the spot, no thinking, no prep, just honest answers to these 10 questions. That episode turned into one of our most honest, hilarious, and messy conversations about marriage, parenting, business, and the weird realities of renovating houses while raising kids.

In this blog post I’m sharing the episode in a fresh, readable form: the questions, our answers, what we learned, and practical ways you can use these same couples questions to deepen your connection — whether you’ve been together five months or fifteen years. I’ll also give step-by-step prompts for asking and answering, a few short exercises you can do together.

If we haven't met yet, I’m Brittany, an online marketing strategist for female entrepreneurs. I teach women how to make their entrepreneurial dreams a reality through smart, actionable marketing strategies that get them seen, loved, and paid. Whether you’re eager to DIY your way to success or hire professionals to help you along the way–my goal is to make sure you walk away with the clarity you need to see the results you desire and build a life you love.

Table of Contents

• Why use couples questions (and why they work)

• How to use this list

• 10 couples questions — and how we answered them

• Communication tools and scripts

• How to avoid common pitfalls when using couples questions

• How the questions changed our relationship

• Resources and extra ideas

• Sample list of 30 bonus couples questions

• FAQ — Your top questions about using couples questions

• Closing thoughts — why I keep asking (and why you should too)

Why use couples questions (and why they work)

Couples questions are more than conversation starters — when used with curiosity and care they are tools for alignment. Asking intentional questions helps you:

• Surface expectations and assumptions before they cause friction.

• Practice vulnerability in small, repeatable ways.

• Discover the stories that shape your partner’s choices.

• Create rituals of check-in so important things don’t get buried under daily chaos (laundry, kids, renovations… I get it).

Grayson and I realized something on the episode: we had a lot of alignment already, but we didn’t always take time to say it out loud. These couples questions gave us permission to pause and reflect together. It was a super fun date night activity for us, I'm glad we did it!

How to use this list

If you’re reading this with your person, do one of three things:

1. Pick one question, set a timer for 5 minutes, and take turns answering.

2. Make this a weekly ritual — pick a question each Sunday or during a weekly date night.

3. Use the questions as writing prompts. Each partner writes an answer and exchanges them before discussing.

Simple boundaries help the exercise actually work: no interrupting, one person speaks for the assigned time, and you both try to listen without solving immediately. Curiosity beats correction every time.

10 couples questions — and how we answered them

Below are the exact questions we used on the podcast, followed by honest, first-person reflections from both of us. I’ve edited the answers for clarity and added commentary where it helps. Use these as templates for your own conversation.

Question 1: What do you love most about our life together?

Grayson: "Honestly, I wouldn’t do nearly as much if I was single. I probably wouldn’t have bought houses, renovated, or had four and a half kids. You push me — not always in ways I like — but I wouldn’t be doing half the things we’re doing if it weren’t for you."

Me (Brittany): "This was a harder one for me because a lot of the things you said I would have done eventually — maybe at a different pace. But I love the partnership. I love that we’ve built a life where both of our contributions matter. I also love that you show up and get things done, even when I’m running a million miles an hour."

Reflection and tip: When you ask this question, push past the generic. Ask for specifics. "Which projects are you most proud of that we did together?" or "Which parts of our day-to-day make you feel most content?" That helps identify what to protect and repeat.

Question 2: How can I be a better partner and support you more effectively?

Grayson: "Sometimes it feels like asking you to support me is asking you to stop doing new projects in your business, which doesn't feel right to ask you to do. But, I want less logistical churn — fewer major moves and renovations every two years. It's draining, physically and mentally. For me, support looks like you communicating needs clearly instead of solving the whole problem before I’ve even had a chance to help. Also — and this is small — please ask me to make the calls sometimes."

Brittany: "I hear that. I’m trying to do less new stuff in my work and focus on what already exists so I'm not constantly busy with 'work stuff'. Also, I’d like you to take more of the mental load, like making the phone calls, or handling the admin details for parties and kids."

Reflection and tip: This is one of the most actionable couples questions you can ask. Follow up with: "What are three tasks you want me to take off your plate this month?" or "Which decisions do you want shared, and which should I just make?" Make a practical list and actually do the swaps.

Question 3: What are your hopes and dreams for our family?

Me: "Big picture — I want us to build a space where travel is easy, where kids are homeschooled if that’s feasible, and where we have a home base that feels like home for more than three years at a time. I dream of a homestead vibe someday: garden, chickens, a huge yard for the kids. And I know that our recent house purchase is helping us work towards these goals but I also acknowledge it will be awhile until we actually get there. Big picture though, I want you to be able to quit working your 9-5 s o we have more flexibility and freedom."

Grayson: "I want the same stability. I want to get married (we’re engaged!), stay in a house long enough that we can realistically own two one day, and ideally have flexibility so I can quit my job and we can travel and homeschool. Mostly I want us to be present for the kids and to be healthy enough to enjoy grandkids someday. We have very similar goals which I think helps us make bigger decisions quicker, like moving farther from family."

Reflection and tip: Dreams change, but putting them on the table creates a roadmap. Use these couples questions to identify non-negotiables (home stability, homeschooling) vs. nice-to-haves (specific travel destinations). Then map a timeline and a financial plan together.

Question 4: How do you feel most appreciated and loved by me?

Grayson: "Pass... Kidding, but only kind of. I don't know, I guess i like when you do things for me. I appreciate you make my appointments and deal with the family admin tasks I can't do while I'm at work all day. Sometimes you make my lunch which is nice. I also like when we do things together, for example, we played video games a lot this week which was nice."

Me: "Acts of service. When you ask me to do something and I do it, that makes me feel valued. Also little things like bringing me water while I’m working, or stepping into the kitchen when I’m cooking — those are big for me. I feel loved when you shoulder the mental load: make a phone call I hate, take the kids to the park so I can work, or just bring me dinner when I forgot to eat. You knowing my small goals and helping me reach them — like actually getting veggies on my plate — matters."

Reflection and tip: Name each other's love languages in plain terms (e.g., "acts of service", "quality time") and create a small checklist. Try "one act of service a day" for a week and swap feedback. Using these couples questions to discover love languages helps reduce guesswork.

Question 5: What can we do to improve our communication?

Me: "We used to do those weekly check-in questions and they helped. Kinda like these ones but they were more specifically focused on what we did last week, instead of big goals and long term plans. We need to start those again. Also, I appreciate that we went to therapy earlier; it changed the way we communicate & argue. I’d love if we brought back the ritual — even a short one — so small resentments don’t become big ones in this new season that's bringing lots of change for our family."

Grayson: "I want more clarity about tasks and expectations so there’s less passive aggression. We’re better now at saying things calm, but I’d like to keep leveling up. Texts are fine for logistics, but for relationship stuff let’s sit down and look at each other."

Reflection and tip: Communication is a skill; these couples questions help you practice it. Try the "Weekly 3" — 3 short questions you ask each other every Sunday (e.g., "What went well?", "What annoyed you?"). Keep them simple and actionable.

Question 6: How can we prioritize our marriage amidst our busy lives?

Me: "We need a plan. Date nights once a month used to be our pattern and it worked. We also carve out time at home — playing video games together counted for us this season — but I want us to be intentional about at least one fully child-free outing a month."

Grayson: "I want less guilt. If we decide to prioritize our marriage, we need to hire sitters and schedule it like an important meeting. Also, having more time together without kids would be awesome — even an afternoon trip or staying up late to watch movies together can be meaningful. In general we're just so busy right now it sometimes feels like we hardly see each other."

Reflection and tip: Scheduling is everything. Book a babysitter, calendar the date night, and treat it like a non-negotiable. Use something small and repeatable — breakfasts together on Saturdays, a monthly "no-kids dinner" — and protect it.

Question 7: What are some of your favourite memories from our time together?

Grayson: "It’s weird, because most memories include the kids. That’s not a bad thing — I love our family memories. Niagara Falls when we were early in dating stands out, and that time you came home from a stressful work trip and I was the happiest to see you — even without a big event."

Me: "A lot of our fondest memories are family-based: moments with the kids at aquariums or ferris wheels, or simply coming home to a clean house after I’ve been away. Very small moments like that mean a lot. We don’t have a ton of 'just us' memories because life quickly had kids in it — and that’s fine but I think we would both like to create some memories of just us in the future too."

Reflection and tip: Don’t discount family memories as “less romantic.” If your love story includes kids, let those memories count. To create more "just us" memories, plan micro-adventures: a coffee date, a morning walk, or a self-care day where you both do something that recharges you separately before reconnecting.

Question 8: How can we make our time together more meaningful and fulfilling?

Me: "More time without kids. Intentional rituals. Shared projects that aren’t parenting or renovating — like a hobby, a board game tradition, or a small homestead project. Things that feel like ours and not just 'family work.'"

Grayson: "Yes. Also, travel. I’d love the flexibility to just take off. If I could quit my job and homeschool, that would make our time together much more meaningful. But short-term: more board game nights, less screen time during meals, and more two-person rituals."

Reflection and tip: Pick a shared hobby that requires teamwork. Board games (we followed an account called TabletopFamily that inspired us) are great because they create structured, low-pressure interaction. Alternate planning responsibilities so both partners feel ownership of the activity.

Question 9: What’s one thing we wish we did more often as a couple?

Grayson: "Travel and staying home doing nothing — in different seasons of life I crave different things. I also wish we had traveled more before kids, but we didn’t have the finances then. The actionable step now is to carve out pockets for overnight trips, even one night away when we can."

Me: "I agree. More staying-in days and more travel. And board games. I know that sounds small, but quality, low-stress time together feels like a win."

Reflection and tip: Define what "more often" actually means — is it monthly, quarterly? Make a small list of three attainable things and schedule one for the next month.

Question 10: How can we make decisions about our future — like houses, work, and kids — in a way that feels fair?

Me: "We need practical conversations with numbers and timelines. When it comes to buying or selling houses, let’s put pros and cons on paper, consider the financials, and agree on a minimum time to stay put. If we pre-decide the rules, we’ll be less chaotic during transitions."

Grayson: "We should map out our five-year plan and responsibilities. If the goal is for me to quit my job, we need a concrete savings or revenue target. If homeschooling is part of it, let's test the waters with short-term travel schooling before committing."

Reflection and tip: Use the "decision matrix" — list options, financial costs, emotional costs, and a timeline. Make a rule like "we won’t make the final decision until we’ve both had three uninterrupted conversations about it." It reduces snap decisions and honours both partners’ needs.

Practical exercises to use these couples questions

Below are three short exercises I recommend trying this week to put these couples questions into action.

1. The 20-Minute Deep Dive

1. Pick one couples question from the list.

2. Set a timer for 20 minutes. One person speaks for 10 minutes uninterrupted. The other listens and takes notes. Switch.

3. After both answers, take five minutes to summarize what you heard and agree on one small step.

Why it works: The time box keeps it safe and focused, and equal time ensures both partners get space to be heard.

2. The Weekly "12" Check-In

Reintroduce your own set of 8–12 short questions to ask every week. Examples:

• What went well this week?

• What stressed you out?

• Is there anything I did that helped you feel loved?

• Is there something I did that bothered you?

• What’s one thing we should do next week to protect our relationship?

Why it works: Regular maintenance takes the pressure off large conversations and prevents resentment from building.

3. The Quarterly Dream Day

Once every three months, schedule a longer conversation to review the big stuff: finances, travel, kids, and house projects. Use the couples questions list to dig into the emotional side (what do we want?) and the practical side (what can we do?).

Why it works: Quarterly check-ins create alignment and allow you to make course corrections before things escalate.

Communication tools and scripts

It’s one thing to ask couples questions; it’s another to handle the answers with emotional safety. Here are some scripts I use with Grayson, based on therapy techniques we’ve picked up.

Use "I" statements

Instead of: "You never help with the kids," try: "I feel overwhelmed by the day-to-day. Could you take the kids to the park tomorrow so I can finish work?"

Try reflective listening

After your partner speaks, summarize what you heard before responding: "So what I’m hearing is that you feel unsupported with the scheduling — is that right?"

Ask for clarity, not solutions

If your partner vents, resist the urge to fix immediately. Try: "Do you want ideas right now or just to vent?"

How to avoid common pitfalls when using couples questions

As with any tool, couples questions can backfire if used poorly. Here are common issues and how to avoid them.

Pitfall: Questioning becomes interrogation

Fix: Start with curiosity and a warm tone. Preface sensitive questions with "I’m asking because I care, not because I want to blame."

Pitfall: Turning answers into ladders of blame

Fix: Keep to the "single-issue" conversation. If an answer uncovers a different topic, schedule a follow-up conversation.

Pitfall: Expecting perfect answers

Fix: People change. Use the couples questions as snapshots — not final judgments.

How the questions changed our relationship

When Grayson and I answered these couples questions honestly, a few subtle things shifted:

• We started scheduling our check-ins again, even if they were short.

• We clarified who takes which admin tasks for parties and kids.

• We agreed on a big vision (travel + possible homeschooling) and the practical steps needed to get there.

• We allowed family memories to count as good couple memories — that reframing reduced pressure.

Most importantly, we were reminded that being engaged, renovating houses, and parenthood don’t erase the need to intentionally connect. Those things make connection harder sometimes, but also make it richer when we prioritize it on purpose.

Resources and extra ideas

If you want to dive deeper, here are a few resources and ideas that helped us:

• Make a "question jar": Write couples questions on slips of paper and draw one at random on date nights.

• Follow TabletopFamily on Instagram for two-player board game ideas (we loved their recommendations).

• Consider periodic couples therapy sessions as "maintenance" — they helped us learn better communication tools.

• Use a shared document to keep track of goals, decisions, and timelines for big things like moving or quitting jobs.

Sample list of 30 bonus couples questions

If you want a longer list to pull from, here are 30 more couples questions you can use during walks, drives, or late-night talks:

1. What’s one small thing you appreciate that I do but rarely mention?

2. How do you imagine our life five years from now?

3. What’s a fear you have about our future?

4. What’s a habit I have that you find endearing?

5. What’s a habit I have that frustrates you?

6. How can we make transitions (moves, jobs) easier on each other?

7. What’s a tradition you want to start with our family?

8. Where would you want to go for a dream trip?

9. What does 'support' look like when you’re stressed?

10. If you could delegate one responsibility permanently, what would it be?

11. What’s one way we can show up for each other this week?

12. What’s a decision we can make today to reduce stress later?

13. How do you feel about our balance between social time and family time?

14. What childhood memory do you wish I knew more about?

15. What do you most want to teach our kids about relationships?

16. What’s something you want to try together that’s out of your comfort zone?

17. How do you prefer to receive apologies?

18. What does 'home' mean to you?

19. How do you want to celebrate our anniversaries or milestones?

20. What’s one way I can make your daily life easier?

21. What offering from me would make you feel more respected?

22. What’s a worry you have about parenting that I can help with?

23. What’s a way we can keep fun alive even when life gets chaotic?

24. How would you like to share spiritual or reflective practices together?

25. What small habit could we adopt to connect every morning?

26. When do you feel most proud of our partnership?

27. What’s one practical financial goal we should agree on this year?

28. What would you like to let go of this season?

29. What’s a compliment you’ve never shared that you’d like to hear?

FAQ — Your top questions about using couples questions

Q: How often should we do these couples questions?

A: Start small. Once a week for a short check-in and once a month for a longer conversation is a great rhythm. You can always increase frequency if it feels helpful.

Q: What if my partner shuts down or refuses to participate?

A: Respect and curiosity go a long way. Ask permission: "Would you be open to trying a 10-minute check-in tonight?" If they say no, pick a low-stakes question and ask while doing a shared activity (driving, walking). Sometimes people open up when they feel physically safe and un-pressured.

Q: Can these questions fix deep issues?

A: They’re a tool, not a cure. Couples questions are a great first step for alignment and intimacy, but when patterns are entrenched (abuse, addiction, severe communication breakdowns) professional help is essential. Consider couples therapy for deeper work.

Q: How do we keep the conversation from turning into fight territory?

A: Use timers, ground rules, and written lists. If the conversation escalates, pause and reschedule. Avoid “never” and “always” statements. Return to curiosity: "Help me understand where that came from."

Q: What if the answers are different from what I hoped to hear?

A: Expect differences. The goal of these couples questions is not to make you mirror each other perfectly — it’s to reveal misalignments early so you can negotiate them. Use differences as a chance to empathize and co-create solutions.

Q: Where can I find more couples questions?

A: Pinterest is full of prompts (that’s where I found my list). Therapy-focused books, relationship apps, and podcasts — including my own — often share weekly prompts. A simple Google search for "couples questions" will return many curated lists to adapt.

Closing thoughts — why I keep asking (and why you should too)

Here’s the honest truth: relationships require work, and good work often looks like small, intentional conversations that keep you aligned. The couples questions we used on the podcast didn’t magically fix everything. But they helped us remember we’re on the same team. They gave us language to ask for what we needed and the courage to hear the other person’s needs without jumping to judgment.

Whether you’re renovating houses, running a business, parenting five kids, or planning a wedding on your new property (yes — we’re engaged!), these conversations slow us down and help us make better choices together. If you try one of the exercises above, I’d love to hear how it goes. You can DM me @brittanymillersocials or leave a comment on the podcast episode — and if you want the raw audio, it's linked at the top of the blog post.

Finally — one small challenge: pick one couples question from this post tonight, set a 20-minute timer, and give each other uninterrupted time. That twenty minutes could change a week, a month, or even a year in the best way.

Thanks for reading, and for doing the brave work of showing up. Until next time — go get great.

Go Get Great Episode 102 References

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0:00 Intro

1:40 Questions to ask your husband

2:25 What do you like most about our life together?

6:10 How can i be a better partner?

11:00 Hopes and dreams for our family

11:40 Engagement & relationships

17:50 How do you feel most appreciated?

22:40 How can we improve communication?

29:25 How to prioritize our relationship?

30:50 What are our favourite memories together?

34:40 How to make our time together more meaningful

38:20 One thing we wish we did more often as a couple

48:10 Wrap up