6. My Hallmark Movie Moment: How Couples Therapy Helped Us Rekindle Our Relationship
- Brittany Miller
- Apr 24, 2023
- 15 min read
Updated: Oct 24
I get asked a lot: does couples therapy work? As someone who lived through a rollercoaster relationship, separation, co-parenting, three kids, renovations, business stress, and then—slowly—rebuilding a partnership, I can say yes, but it's complicated. In this post I want to unpack our story, the turning points that led us back together, and the practical tools we learned in therapy and co-parenting counselling that helped me answer that question for myself: does couples therapy work for real people in messy lives?
This is my story, told in first person, and it’s honest, messy, and hopefully useful if you’re wondering whether couples counselling could help your relationship. My partner Grayson joins me throughout this telling—because the whole point of therapy for us was learning to show up together instead of always butting heads.
If we haven’t met yet, I’m Brittany — a mom of five, home renovation enthusiast, and a business owner who’s all about keeping life real and doable. I know firsthand how messy, beautiful, and overwhelming motherhood can feel, and I share from that space of “in the trenches” right alongside you.
Here, you’ll find encouragement, practical tips, and honest conversations about balancing family, work, and your own sense of self. My hope is that you’ll walk away feeling a little lighter, a little more seen, and a whole lot more equipped to create a life that works for you and your family. Follow me on Instagram @brittanynmiller_ for more.
Table of Contents
Quick snapshot: our relationship timeline
Before I dive into the how-to parts and the practical advice that made a difference, here’s a short timeline so you can follow our journey:
We met at Boston Pizza years ago, started dating, and quickly moved in together.
We bought our first house 8 months later (just over a year after we got together). Fast-forward through renovations, job changes, and the arrival of our first child, Thalia (just over 2 years after we started dating).
Covid hit and things got worse—old issues resurfaced, and we separated for a time.
We co-parented while living apart, moved several times, and bought another house together even while not being a couple.
I started a business, we had a third child (Rhett), and then, finally, we tried co-parenting counselling which opened the door to better communication and eventually reconciling.
I asked "does couples therapy work?", Should We Try It?
The thing about asking "does couples therapy work?" is that the answer depends on expectations, willingness, and timing. I asked it because I was at the end of my rope. I’d given ultimatums, felt trapped, and couldn’t imagine how our pattern would ever change. Our relationship ended origionally because I wanted to go to couples counselling but Grayson didn't.
I was sure living together again would only repeat the same arguments, the same resentments. So when my personal therapist suggested co-parenting counselling, I was skeptical but curious—could I talk Grayson into that? Would co-parenting counsellng be a backdoor that answered the bigger question: does couples therapy work for us? and fix the relationship issues we had before?
Asking "does co-parenting therapy work" felt less like asking if a pill will fix a headache and more like asking if an investment of time and emotional labour could create better day-to-day life for both of us and the kids. The short answer I eventually found was: yes, both co-parenting counselling and couples therapy worked for us in the way we needed it to, but only because we were both willing to change how we communicated and to be vulnerable in front of someone who could guide the conversation.
The turning points: what almost broke us & what saved us
Our relationship wasn’t a single dramatic event. It was a slow build of stressors: new jobs, renovation fatigue, sleepless nights with a newborn, conflicting communication styles, and unspoken expectations. So when Covid hit, all of those unresolved issues were amplified.
I want to call out a few specific turning points because they illustrate why therapy became necessary and, crucially, how it helped:
Renovations and overwhelm: We ripped down walls, moved between our house and my parents’ houses, and tried to juggle renovations with parenting. Renovations are physically and emotionally exhausting; they gave us constant evidence that nothing was stable.
Night shifts and mismatched schedules: Grayson went to midnights at one point, which meant I was alone with children at times when I needed help. The sleep mismatch intensified resentment.
Breastfeeding struggles and identity loss: After having Thalia I felt like I’d lost myself. Breastfeeding was painful and isolating, and Covid made it harder to get help. I felt powerless, which turned into anger and guilt that leaked into the relationship.
Separation that didn’t feel like closure: We separated for a year but continued to make major life decisions together (like buying a house). That blurry boundary made things confusing emotionally
None of those things are unique to us. They're familiar to many couples who move fast, become parents quickly, or face the type of external pressures that can strain a relationship's foundation. What therapy did for us was create a structured space to identify those specific pressure points and learn to address them without triggering defensive reactions.
What we learned in Couples therapy
When I say therapy helped, I don’t mean it performed a miracle overnight. What therapy did was practical and process-oriented: it taught us to pause, identify feelings, and ask each other for what we needed. Here are the concrete lessons we learned, and why each played a role in answering the question, does couples therapy work?
1. We learned to label emotions properly
Before therapy I’d often launch into a lecture: “Why isn’t the laundry done?” That approach made Grayson defensive, and I’d end up in tears. Therapy helped us identify the underlying feelings—hurt, loneliness, frustration—behind surface complaints. Instead of saying, “You never do chores,” I learned to say, “I feel overwhelmed when the house is messy and I could use help.” That tiny shift changed the entire tone of the conversation.
2. We learned to ask for specific help
I used to hint, imply, or expect Grayson to magically read my mind. Therapy taught me that "This needs to get done" is not an ask. I now say clearly: “Can you please put the signs back on the girls’ doors?” or “Can you take the evening shift with the kids on Saturday?” Those specific asks meant we had measurable outcomes instead of vague resentments.
3. We practiced active listening
Our therapist would ask Grayson how a comment made him feel, and he would be forced to go beyond "I’m mad." That probing is incredibly powerful. Active listening isn’t just nodding—it's articulating the emotion and the thought behind it. It helped us both feel heard, which is a huge currency in relationships.
4. We built a weekly ritual
One of the best things therapy inspired was a small weekly check-in ritual. We use six simple questions (I’ll share them later) to touch base each week. It’s not therapy-level intervention—it’s a proactive communication ritual that prevents small things from exploding into big fights. That kind of structure show how therapy can give you a sustainable routine to keep connection alive outside of the actual therapy session itself.
5. We learned to plan adult time
Our therapist reminded us that you need to make time for each other—just five minutes a day if that’s all you can manage. That sounds obvious, but when you’re parenting and running a business, those five minutes don’t happen without intention. That tiny habit of checking in kept our relationship present instead of just parenting logistics.
So, does couples therapy work? For us, yes—because it moved us from blame to feelings and gave us practial, easy to implement tools to rebuild our communication. That’s one of the biggest practical outcomes of therapy: it gives you tools to speak about emotions regularly rather than leet resentment build up until one of us explodes causing a huge argument.
The practical co-parenting counselling approach we used
We didn’t start with "couple’s therapy" in the traditional sense. We began with co-parenting counselling. That focus made it less threatening—therapy was framed as a strategy to improve parenting rather than a judgment of our romantic viability. That nuance was critical in getting Grayson on board initially.
Co-parenting counselling gave us structure for communication around the kids and household logistics. The therapist would ask each of us how a behavior made us feel and then facilitate an exercise to translate those feelings into requests. That practical approach made the sessions feel like actual work, not emotional wrestling matches.
Why co-parenting counselling can answer "does couples therapy work"
If you’re wondering does couples therapy work in your situation, consider starting with co-parenting counselling if:
You have children together and day-to-day logistics amplify tension.
You’re separated but still making joint decisions about housing or childcare.
You’re both skeptical of 'relationship therapy' but willing to try something focused on parenting.
For us, co-parenting counselling lowered the stakes and allowed us to practice communication in a narrower, high-frequency area: co-parenting. Over time, those skills generalized into our personal relationship, which is why I believe co-parenting counselling is often an effective path toward couples therapy if that's something you'd like to try as well. Additionally, a lot of the tools and techniques we learned in our co-parenting sessions also translated to relationship struggles as well.
Our weekly six-question ritual (and why it matters)
One of the things I picked up from a relationship specialist Railey Molinario (an influencer I followed online) and adapted for our life is a weekly set of questions we use as a touchpoint. We ask them aloud or text them during a designated check-in. Therapy helped us see why this works: it creates predictable space for gratitude, accountability, planning and to share issues we wanted to address.
Here are the six questions we use every week—simple, but powerful:
What was the best part of your week?
What was the most difficult or stressful part of your week?
Is there anything I can do to make next week run more smoothly for you?
What could you do for me next week that would help?
Was there anything I did that bothered you this week?
What did I do this week that made you happy?
These questions accomplish three things:
First, they give both of us permission to be honest in a neutral space.
Second, they surface concrete items (like “hang the name signs” or “help with bedtime on Thursday”) that are actionable.
Third, they build appreciation because they force the question: what did you do that made me happy? That last one is a gratitude habit disguised as a communication exercise.
If you’re wondering is couples therapy could work for you—you don’t necessarily need a therapist to do this exercise which is why it's a great starting point—but therapy helped us commit to the habit and taught us how to do it without turning it into an argument. We’ve been doing it for a few months now and it’s become a small ritual that keeps us connected, we both look forward to it each week.
Examples from our check-ins: what actually came up
I want to give a few real examples from our check-ins, because practical examples help the lesson land.
Best part of the week: For Grayson, taking time to climb and de-stress showed up as his best moment; for me, a networking event and spending time outdoors with my kids were highlights. Both answers reminded us we have lives outside of our parental roles.
Most stressful part: Work schedule mismatches and restless kids were recurring themes. When I answered this, Grayson learned how much an evening of chaos could derail my productivity; when he answered, I learned how his factory job stress filtered into his patience levels at home.
Ask for help: I asked for help with small things like home reno tasks that were outstanding and bothering me and routine chores that freed up time for me to de-stress too; these small asks translated into chore ownership rather than nebulous resentment.
Bothers me: We surfaced minor annoyances like leaving food on the counter—that’s tiny but important, because small repeated patterns can erode goodwill. Therapy taught us to catch them early.
Simple tools like these are why I answer "does couples therapy work" with a cautious, practical yes. The therapy didn’t make all problems vanish, but it taught us habits that prevent small things from spiralling into crises.
How therapy helped us reframe responsibility and accountability
One of the patterns that almost destroyed our relationship was blame. I’d blame Grayson for anger outbursts; he’d blame me for nagging. Therapy taught us to hold two truths simultaneously: we were both stressed and we were both contributing to the problem.
That shift from "you are the problem" to "we are the problem" is crucial. It doesn’t absolve anyone of responsibility, but it reframes the work as shared. We started saying things like: “I see how my bossiness can come across as nagging; how can I ask for help without lecturing?” That kind of self-reflection is painful, but liberating. You both have to be willing to do the internal work and to stop using the other as a scapegoat for their own unmet needs.
What to expect from The first few therapy sessions
If you’ve never done couples counselling, here’s roughly what to expect based on our experience:
Session 1: Intake, goals, and surface issues. The therapist asks what you want out of therapy—sometimes one partner wants to save the relationship, the other wants to see co-parenting improve. That’s okay.
Session 2–4: Tools and tactics. The therapist will teach communication tools: labeling emotions, nonviolent communication, specific ask vs. vague hinting, and active listening exercises.
Session 5: Often the therapist will have individuals sessions with each of you to get to know you better and talk about things that haven't come up in the joint sessions yet/
Ongoing: Practice and habit-formation. Sessions might be monthly, bi-weekly, or as needed. The therapist helps you reflect on what worked and what didn’t.
Be prepared for homework. It sounds cheesy, but sometimes the homework is exactly what changes everything: a weekly check-in, a gratitude exercise, or a commitment to three specific, measurable tasks each week. Your homework will depend on your goals and the challenges you're working through.
Common objections and how we handled them
Before therapy, we had several objections, many of which are common among couples:
“Therapy is expensive.” It can be, but compare it to the cost of continued separation, legal fees, or prolonged distress. There are affordable options: sliding-scale therapists, online counselling, or targeted co-parenting sessions that focus on concrete skills. We were fortunate that Grayson's benefits covered some of the cost for us. Check and see if your beenfits cover therapy.
“Therapy won’t change him/her.” Therapy won’t change a person; it offers new tools and awareness. If neither partner uses those tools, nothing changes. Change happens when both people act differently.
“I don’t want to relive everything.” A good therapist doesn’t make you relive trauma; they help you see patterns and teach tools to break them. We focused on present-day communication, not digging up every past offense.
“We’re too different.” Differences don’t have to be fatal. We learned to respect different needs for rest and hustle, for example. Therapy helped us navigate those differences without judgment.
How therapy helped me as an entrepreneur and a mother
Running my business, parenting three kids, and navigating relationship stress was overwhelming. Therapy didn’t just help my romantic relationship; it gave me emotional bandwidth to be a better entrepreneur and a calmer parent. When conflict at home dropped a bit, my productivity and focus improved noticeably.
That leads to a broader answer to the question does couples therapy work: it can have ripple effects beyond the relationship. For me, less emotional chaos at home meant better focus at work. That’s a practical benefit many entrepreneurs might not expect, but it was real for me.
What changed after we reconciled
After months of co-parenting counselling and small wins, we decided to give our romantic relationship another try. The reconciliation wasn’t a fairy tale—there were bumps—but the tools we had learned meant arguments were less likely to spiral into full blown separation. We made more explicit plans for chores, work, and childcare. We also kept therapy as an occasional check-in rather than a last-ditch effort.
We’re back together, yes, but we’re not the same. That’s a good thing. We tolerate each other’s differences, ask for help explicitly, and prioritize weekly check-ins. That outcome concretely answers the question: does couples therapy work? For us, it absolutely contributed to our ability to reconnect and function as partners and parents.
Realities and limits: therapy is a tool, not magic
Honesty moment: therapy is not a guarantee. It’s a structured way to learn skills, create accountability, and surface honest feelings. If one partner refuses to engage, or if there is domestic abuse or addiction at play, therapy alone may not be sufficient. In those cases, safety, legal counsel, and specialized support must be prioritized.
So while I say couples therapy works—I mean in the context of our relationship. Therapy is most effective when both people are open to change, willing to practice new habits, and committed to honest reflection.
Resources I found helpful
In case you want to explore the same resources I used, here are a few that were helpful during our journey:
Railey Molinario’s relationship intelligence materials (I used her freebie as a framework for the weekly questions).
Relationship-focused podcasts like Do Your Crap—specific episodes on couples’ rituals helped us design our weekly check-in.
Local co-parenting counsellors who offered focused sessions on parenting logistics and communication.
Self-reflection practices: journaling, gratitude exercises, and daily check-ins with myself to notice what I’m bringing into a conversation. Check out Ep. 13 of the Go Get Great podcast for more information on my journaling habits etc. →
FAQ — Does couples therapy work?
Q: Does couples therapy work if one partner is skeptical?
A: It can, particularly if you start with a narrow, non-threatening focus like co-parenting counselling. In our case, framing therapy around parenting made it easier for Grayson to engage. Eventually, once we saw the benefits in the co-parenting realm, the trust to explore our relationship further grew.
Q: How long until I see changes?
A: It depends. With focused work and weekly practices, you'll often see small, measurable changes in weeks. Bigger shifts in communication patterns can take months. In my experience, the first few sessions give you tools, but the real change happens when you consistently practice them.
Q: What if we don’t have time for therapy?
A: You can incorporate therapy-style practices into your routine: short weekly check-ins, a gratitude question, and clear requests for help. Therapy accelerates learning, but small habits practiced consistently also produce significant results.
Q: Does couples therapy work for issues like anger or resentment?
A: It can help you de-escalate patterns and teach you to address triggers before they explode. Therapy helps identify root causes and build tools to manage reactions. It’s not a cure-all, but it gives you strategies to interrupt destructive cycles.
Q: Is online therapy as effective?
A: Many people find online therapy effective, and it’s often more affordable and accessible. The key is finding a skilled therapist who specializes in couples or co-parenting work and who you both feel comfortable with.
Q: What’s one simple exercise to try tonight?
A: Try a five-minute gratitude-and-request check-in. Each of you shares one thing that made you feel loved this week and asks for one specific thing that would make next week easier. Keep it to five minutes—short, consistent, and focused.
Final reflections: my honest answer to "does couples therapy work?"
After years of on-and-off relationship struggles, separations, multiple house moves, three children, and the pressures of entrepreneurship and motherhood, I can say with a degree of humility: does couples therapy work? For us, yes. Therapy wasn’t a magic wand that erased every problem; instead, it gave us tools, language, and small habits that rebuilt our sense of teamwork.
If you’re reading this because you’re wondering whether therapy might help your relationship, my advice is to give it a try in a focused way. Start with co-parenting counselling if you have kids and are worried about the emotional stakes. Commit to the homework. Be honest about what you want. And remember that therapy is a practice—it rewards patience and honest effort.
“Therapy didn’t make our problems disappear. It taught us how to speak differently, to ask for what we need, and to build small rituals that keep us connected.”
If you want to hear the raw, unedited version of our conversation, you can watch the full video on YouTube. I share more stories there, and Grayson joins me to give his perspective—because one of therapy’s lessons was that both voices deserve to be heard.
Thanks for reading my long-winded, honest take on whether couples therapy works. If you’ve been through therapy and found tools that helped, I’d love to hear about them. If you’re considering counselling and have questions, feel free to reach out. I’m an open book, and part of why I share these stories is to help other busy parents and entrepreneurs find practical ways to make life actually work. Go get great—and remember: small, consistent practices often change more than dramatic gestures.
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Give us a follow if you're ready to take life from good to great, you'll be the first to know when we share more about motherhood and business. If it really resonated, the kids and I would do a happy dance if you left us a review 💗. ~ Brittany
00:00 Intro
00:45 How we met
1:45 Our history
3:15 Getting an apartment
4:45 Buying a house
6:15 The start of our relationship issues
7:50 My pregnancy with Raiyah
8:45 Breastfeeding as birth control
9:30 Back to pregnencies
10:30 Grayson starts midnight's
12:15 Asking for help
14:15 Taking responsability
15:00 Not having help
16:20 Thalia as a baby
17:15 Feeling trapped in our relationship
19:30 Separation
22:00 Visiting Brittany's house
23:15 Moving out... again
25:00 Getting a new house
26:00 Self-reflection
28:00 Having another child
29:10 Co-Parenting counselling
30:40 Getting back together
33:00 Self reflection
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